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All I have to do is make my Dr’s appointment tomorrow.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. Believe it or not I’ve been making progress in life. For 10 years I’ve smoked weed constantly, it was like cigarettes for me. I didn’t get high, I just smoked it to keep me calm. I went cold turkey around 2 months ago and haven’t smoked since.

I drank a lot as well. I used to binge drink all the time. Coming home and throwing up or throwing up the next morning was fairly commonplace. Over the past year I’ve stopped binge drinking but I’ve been drinking everyday (up until lately). There was an incident which caused this to happen. I would drink more or less 10 beers a day (this isn’t binge drinking in my book). More on the weekends. Over the past few weeks I’ve managed to keep it down to 2 beers a day.

To someone who hasn’t struggled with addiction this doesn’t sound like that big of a deal but for someone who’s been where I am they’d understand this is huge. It’s borderline impossible to do on your own.

In the past the only time I’ve been able to stay off drugs and alcohol is when I took adderall. It really just ‘fixes’ my brain. All the things that bother me are put on the back burner and I’m able to function like a regular person.

And see that’s the thing: In the past I needed adderall to stave off my addictions. Lately I’ve staved off my addictions through sheer willpower. If I get back on adderall I’m going to be freakishly propelled through life. It’s hard to put into words. Just knowing my depression and anger issues will melt away is wonderful in its own.

The other side of the coin is just how much money I will be making. Since I wont be paralyzed with emotional issues I’m going to be able to actually work as I should. I’ve researched the automotive market and I have the talent. I have buyers ready the only thing in the way between me and money is me. I can’t put into words just how incredible this is for me.

So all I gotta do is make my Dr’s appointment tomorrow so that I can get the prescription. The issue is that I can’t sleep at night, and poor sleep triggers epilepsy. There’s not much that can be done, either I’ll make it or I wont.

If I make that appointment then you’ll notice my posts will change for the better. I’m sick in the head and I need medicine.

When I get it you’ll see how high I can fly.